我是个特别不幸运的人，一直的全力以赴，日以继夜身心疲惫，但却不怎么得要领，就这样愚钝又慢半拍地活着；向往具有破坏力的能量，但又无比崇尚理性，因为一直没有解开这种矛盾，就从不敢松懈，担心一个恍惚错过了门打开的那一刻。我承认，为了对自己有所交代或是交付，我用尽了5年一直在摆脱矛盾，又在寻找矛盾中，跌跌撞撞磕磕盼盼中成长而那些自己崇拜的巨大的有毁坏性的能量，却都在这样的过程中被做空了。也许我也不是真的在意门开不开，自己能否自洽，但却没有一天做过自己。
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